my life as romeo
while forcing myself to run on the eliptical for an hour tonight (in hopes one day i won’t cringe at the thought of wearing a bathing suit) i discovered that i may in fact be romeo.
shortly after making this profound discovery, i try to explain to my father who immediately informs me that i am not a boy. this is a great way to summarize the rhythm of most of our conversations. except mostly we talk about public schools and volunteerism where i share my ideas about everyone needing to help and he states clearly that people don’t feel like it. anyway, i digress.
so without being overtly long-winded, i will just say i may or may not have (MAY) have been having fantastical thoughts about my best guy friend for longer than i will ever admit. i can, without any doubt, say that he entertains the idea also but not in the same way that i do.
SIDEBAR: i am not a complete bleeding-heart, and I was raised by a very conservative, gun-collecting handy-man dad and there are no-words to describe a mother who only does that which is illogical and unpredicatable without being interesting or exciting. this has left me somehow very romantic-minded in nature and shamelessly day-dreaming and hopeful. i honestly think i am going to fall in love any time i go to the grocery store or stop for gas. i am THAT girl.
to continue, last evening, “he who shall not be named” and i were texting (i know lame) our way around “what is going on between us” when he said some things that with some invested thought has led me to my deduction of my romeoness. it matters not what he said, as much as what he said made me really think about whether or not i wanted to be in a relationship with him. you know a relationship that actually has a PULSE. he seemed so convinced that i did and that i would be devasted if we weren’t (idk why he would think that since we haven’t for such an embarrassingly long time). and after we were texting for a while, i just stopped…layed my head on my pillow…and listened to myself. and i said, “hmmm, i feel tired…sleep now.” i just didn’t seem to care anymore.
all this time i had spent imaging what it would be like or how it could be and then i was seeing more clearly what it was and how it would be brought on a sharp knowledge that i was playing pretend the way i did with love as a child (barbie-ken style). I have been romeo and rosaline-ing the situation. except that i didn’t have to see a big, hairy, hunky juliet to realize that my feelings are really all that genuine. and how wonderful it feels to understand this especially before someone i do care about flashes into my life. so now my skies are clear and blue again. just the way a girl likes them.
*disclaimer…”he who we shall not mention” has been lovely and wonderful and in many ways my best and most dearest friend. he will, no doubt, make some woman, one more suited to him, very happy. and i will make some man very lucky. :)
